It was evenfall when Frodo awoke after his tumultuous adventure with all the horses and the magical river and the almost dying and all that, and he was, unsurprisingly, once again, feeling rather peckish. But as they hadn’t yet reached the part of the story where Sam supplies Frodo with alternative lembas bread, Frodo was…
Norbert’s Dragonfruit Sorbet (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Norbert was sad. The other dragons had been making fun of him again. It wasn’t his fault he was born purple, with black polka dots, instead of a deep, intimidating green, like all the other dragons in his clan. This genetic fluke, a one in a hundred thousand likelihood, should have made him feel special….
Cassava Bread (paleo, AIP, vegan)
“Man, it’s a long way to Mordor,” complained Frodo. “Can I have a piggyback ride?” “No,” snapped Sam. “No more piggyback rides.” Sam had had enough. He was drawing the line. All Frodo had done for the past week was complain and ask for piggyback rides, and frankly Sam was sick of it. Who made Frodo master, anyway?…
Key Lime Pie Tartlets (paleo, AIP, vegan)
All was chaos over in KeyLime-dia (yes that’s a place). Unlike Mangoland, KeyLime-dia was a disorganized mess in the run up to the annual Kingdom Bakeoff. Instead of practicing their maneuvers and organizing themselves into squeezing units, key limes were bouncing off the walls of the castle and playing squash with themselves in the castle…
Mango Tartlets (paleo, AIP, vegan)
“ATTEN-HUT!” The line of mango tarts snapped to attention, orange arms at their side, crusts newly minted from the oven, boots sticky with mango sheen. “Listen up!” shouted the sergeant, as he marched down the line of tartlets, poking his troops in the chest and engaging in one last visual inspection. “Last year was the…
Brownie-morphosis (paleo, vegan)
Herbert woke up one morning and stretched his arms above his head only to discover that his arms were tiny sticks and his body was in fact the corpuscular shell of a giant, repulsive beetle. “Oh, gross,” he said, his voice all crackly from the compression of his vocal chords and inner self-loathing. He had…
Pichi Pichi (paleo, AIP, vegan)
At night, after the girl has gone to sleep, the empty kitchen is filled with the pattering of pichi pichi, small, feathered creatures who follow a trail of cake crumbs to the counter where the girl’s messes awaits them. There they stand around with their hands on their hips (to the extent that an amorphous…
Fijian Cassava Cake (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Semi crossed and uncrossed his legs under the small desk. It was last period, which meant math class with Mr. Taliga. Semi liked geometry, but today he couldn’t focus on anything, much less trigonometric functions – today was rugby try-outs. In their backyard next to Grandma’s outdoor kitchen, he and his older brother had trained for…
Belle, the Beast, & Blueberry Muffins (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Belle Trudeau lived in a small town in the north of France with her widower father. She was a simple girl who liked to read and write and dreamed of traveling the world. One day she was walking in the woods near her house when she encountered an angry rabbit. “Hello,” said the rabbit. “You’re stepping on…
Tamarind-Coconut-Date Balls (paleo, AIP, vegan)
As the west winds shifted and the November monsoons dripped their last drop, the King and Queen of Tamarindia decided it was time for their annual banquet. “Who should we invite this year?” asked the King. “Usual suspects?” “Meh,” replied the Queen, scrunching up her nose. “I’m tired of the old crew. Let’s spice things up.” “If…
Hoppy’s Chocolate Bark (paleo, vegan)
Hoppy looked around with satisfaction. The Island was nice…very nice indeed. It had taken some getting used to, the heat and humidity and buzzing insects that delighted in his exotic northern blood. The locals had welcomed him with a lei of purple orchids when his coconut igloo sailing vessel had first arrived on their shores…
Tapioca Pearl Pudding (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Remember the story The Pearl? Now, I love Steinbeck, but I’m sure I wasn’t the only 6th grader to be scarred by that parable of the devastating consequences of sudden enrichment. Here, to undo some of that, an alternative telling.The Pearl: Take 2 The pearl diver rose out of the water, holding in his hands a gem of…
A Tale of Two Cheesecakes (paleo, vegan)
Rosita was a friendly young cheese monster, as far as cheese monsters go. She would chase small children around with a mouth full of muenster, but it was all in good fun and when the chasing stopped she always let the kids nosh on her melted roqueforts and camemberts. As she grew older, she had the…
