Herbert woke up one morning and stretched his arms above his head only to discover that his arms were tiny sticks and his body was in fact the corpuscular shell of a giant, repulsive beetle. “Oh, gross,” he said, his voice all crackly from the compression of his vocal chords and inner self-loathing. He had…
Pichi Pichi (paleo, AIP, vegan)
At night, after the girl has gone to sleep, the empty kitchen is filled with the pattering of pichi pichi, small, feathered creatures who follow a trail of cake crumbs to the counter where the girl’s messes awaits them. There they stand around with their hands on their hips (to the extent that an amorphous…
Fijian Cassava Cake (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Semi crossed and uncrossed his legs under the small desk. It was last period, which meant math class with Mr. Taliga. Semi liked geometry, but today he couldn’t focus on anything, much less trigonometric functions – today was rugby try-outs. In their backyard next to Grandma’s outdoor kitchen, he and his older brother had trained for…
Belle, the Beast, & Blueberry Muffins (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Belle Trudeau lived in a small town in the north of France with her widower father. She was a simple girl who liked to read and write and dreamed of traveling the world. One day she was walking in the woods near her house when she encountered an angry rabbit. “Hello,” said the rabbit. “You’re stepping on…
Tamarind-Coconut-Date Balls (paleo, AIP, vegan)
As the west winds shifted and the November monsoons dripped their last drop, the King and Queen of Tamarindia decided it was time for their annual banquet. “Who should we invite this year?” asked the King. “Usual suspects?” “Meh,” replied the Queen, scrunching up her nose. “I’m tired of the old crew. Let’s spice things up.” “If…
Hoppy’s Chocolate Bark (paleo, vegan)
Hoppy looked around with satisfaction. The Island was nice…very nice indeed. It had taken some getting used to, the heat and humidity and buzzing insects that delighted in his exotic northern blood. The locals had welcomed him with a lei of purple orchids when his coconut igloo sailing vessel had first arrived on their shores…
Tapioca Pearl Pudding (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Remember the story The Pearl? Now, I love Steinbeck, but I’m sure I wasn’t the only 6th grader to be scarred by that parable of the devastating consequences of sudden enrichment. Here, to undo some of that, an alternative telling.The Pearl: Take 2 The pearl diver rose out of the water, holding in his hands a gem of…
A Tale of Two Cheesecakes (paleo, vegan)
Rosita was a friendly young cheese monster, as far as cheese monsters go. She would chase small children around with a mouth full of muenster, but it was all in good fun and when the chasing stopped she always let the kids nosh on her melted roqueforts and camemberts. As she grew older, she had the…
Classic Chocolate Chip Cookies (paleo, vegan)
Once upon a time, there lived a classic princess in a classic fairytale kingdom. The princess wore classic pink ballroom gowns and classic sparkling diamond tiaras, and even carried around a pink wand which churned out classic spells every so often. The princess seemed to know that her world was too cookie-cutter and pop-up-book-esque to…
Mint Chocolate Minions (paleo)
In the evergreen forests of northern Norway, a strange thing happens each and every winter night. The forest goes to sleep and the northern woodland fairies come out and set to life the dirt beneath their feet and everything it contains, including a certain brown mushroom which is transformed by the fairies’ touch into a…
Kabocha Squash Muffins (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Mama Bear sat with Papa Bear, rocking back and forth in their porch swing. “She did it again,” said Mama Bear. Papa Bear put down his newspaper in consternation. “No! Not again!” he said. “Yes,” said Mama, shaking her head. “That girl. I just don’t know what to do with her, I tell you.” Papa Bear…
Almond Paste Poppyseed Tart (Mohnkuchen) (paleo, vegan)
It was a dark and stormy night—wait a second that’s too cliché, let me try that again. The nocturnal period of dreams and subconscious musings was as black as the inside of a cow’s teat whilst moisture-laden cumulonimbus clouds gathered above the rock-lined fortress, a veritable Pentagon of impenetrability with its stainless steel gates and…
Linzer-Torte Cookies (paleo, AIP, vegan)
In the city of Linz, Austria, under the smallest of the bridges crossing the Danube as it winds its way from Germany towards Hungary lives a family of trolls – three brothers, to be precise, formerly of the Berlin bridges but forced to move during the monster raids of ’76. For the past several years, the trolls have lived…
