In the city of Linz, Austria, under the smallest of the bridges crossing the Danube as it winds its way from Germany towards Hungary lives a family of trolls – three brothers, to be precise, formerly of the Berlin bridges but forced to move during the monster raids of ’76.
For the past several years, the trolls have lived peacefully under Bridge Schinken, eating schnitzel and strudel when they can get them, content to finish the scraps that people throw off the bridge for the fishes. But lately, with the emergence of camera phones, the trolls have had trouble escaping detection when they rise up to the surface to scout for food, and have been the subject of several troubling Facebook and Instagram posts.
As a result of this unwanted publicity, city officials of Linz have released an advisory notice, warning all residents and visitors to avoid Bridge Schinken, specifically not to throw food into the water, and by no means to pass underneath its wooden sub-structure.
For three days, the trolls have sat hungry under the bridge, wondering where all the people are. The wireless under the bridge is spotty, and they have no idea that they are now the subject of a viral internet campaign to discredit trolls everywhere. The trolls scout the banks of the river, even venturing so far as the jogging path looking for discarded bratwurst and sauerkraut, to no avail.
It is day five, and the trolls have become despondent. They do nothing all day except stare at their big hairy toes with glum looks on their faces. It is in this state that a small Austrian girl named Lisel comes upon them, bearing a tray of linzer-torte cookies. The trolls glance in her direction, their dull eyes brightening at the sight of the sugar-dusted biscuits.
“Guten Tag,” says the girl. “I made these for you.”
The eldest brother troll raises his hand in a slow, classic troll greeting. “Guten Tag,” he replies gravely. “You are the first human we have seen in days. Do you know what has happened to the others?”
“Ja,” says the girl. “Klar, that’s why I’ve come. I believe you have been the targets of a vicious smear attempt, orchestrated by rival orcs in the city of Gratz. It is a distraction method on their part, as they plan to blame the recent robbery of several Gratz bakeries on local trolls.”
The middle brother sits up. “That’s terrible,” he says. “Somebody should do something.”
“I plan to,” says Lisel. “And it starts with us sitting down and sharing these linzer-torte cookies.”
#TheTruthAboutTrolls
At this point the trolls have begun to trust Lisel. They sit down next to her and munch on the delicious cookie sandwiches with their raspberry filling, while Lisel snaps selfies of herself with the trolls and immediately posts them to all of her social media accounts, as well as video footage to youtube, with the hashtag, #TheTruthAboutTrolls.
- 1.5 cups cassava flour
- ½ tsp sea salt
- ½ tsp baking soda
- ⅔ cup non-hydrogenated palm shortening
- ½ cup maple syrup
- 1 tbsp vanilla extract
- raspberry jam
- Combine all ingredients except jam.
- Roll out dough on (tapioca/arrowroot dusted) parchment paper to ¼ inch thickness, use cookie cutters to cut out linzer-torte shapes. Transfer to baking pans.
- Bake at 325 degrees for 12-15 minutes or until slightly browned.
- When cool, spread with raspberry jam and assemble.
Any suggestions for flour substitution? Tiger nut maybe?
Yes, tigernut would be a great option (especially since it’s already a bit sweet). If you can do non-AIP, a combo of almond flour and tapioca/arrowroot starch would probably work well. Water chestnut and plantain will change the flavor profile, so stick with tigernut if you can.
Any suggestions on the jam?
Hi Jamie – I usually make my own jam with fresh fruit since most commercial ones use sugar (something like 2 cups of fruit, a bit of lemon/lime or apple cider vinegar, sprinkle of salt, cinnamon, and honey/maple syrup to taste, all cooked down). Otherwise I like this brand (http://amzn.to/2Aiu7fS) and sometimes Trader Joe’s or Costco has decent pre-made organic jams.
These are amazing. Best compliant sweet treat I’ve tried si far! Thank you.
Wow, thanks Emily! Glad you got a chance to try them! 🙂
I had a lot of trouble rolling mine out, and transferring to the cookie sheet… is there something I’m missing? My dough was much stickier than I would have expected too. I almost wondered if I missed a step like chilling the dough? Or is the shortening meant to be chilled? I would be grateful for any insights! 🙂
Hi Susanne – I recommend flouring your parchment paper with some tapioca or arrowroot starch to help keep the dough from sticking (and chilling should help a bit too – although if the dough was very sticky you might want to try adding a bit more flour). I often transfer my cookies using a sharp edged knife or spatula in case they seem to be sticking…but best bet is probably some tapioca flour on the parchment.
Any possible substitutions for the shortening?
Coconut oil or another solid at room temp fat would probably work, although the texture may change some (I would suggest subbing out some of the cassava flour for some tigernut to ensure the dough is still workable).
These are amazing. We used coconut butter instead of palm shortening (which we can’t get where we live) and for the jam, we boiled down some frozen raspberries with a bit of honey.
What is the white powder used for dusting?
I used tapioca/arrowroot starch mixed with a little stevia powder.