Melvin squatted over the cheesy moon river.
“Mmmmm,” he opined as he dipped his paw into the flowing yellow rivulets of cheesy goodness.
“Hey,” said Marvin (aka mouse number 2). “Don’t stick your hand in there. We just got here, and the first thing you want to do is contaminate our best source of running cheese?”
Melvin ignored him and continued to splash the viscous liquid into his mouth.
“You’re incorrigible. Here, take these.”
Yes indeed, a lovely plate of moon crackers.
Melvin sat up and looked at the square crackers Marvin had thrust into his hand. He nibbled on one and his eyes lit up.
“Mm! Tasty.” He dipped a cracker into the estuary and used it as a vehicle for carrying more river into his mouth. “Even better! Crackers and cheese on the moon, who woulda thought. Hey, where did you get these?”
Marvin’s eyes avoided Melvin’s. “Um. I brought them from home.”
“They don’t seem like earth crackers,” said Melvin, sniffing the air suspiciously. Catching Marvin looking askance at a cave off to their left, Melvin sprang to his feet and began scurrying towards it.
“Hey!” shouted Marvin, racing to catch up with him.
The two mice tumbled over each other as they approached the entrance to the cavern, tripping and falling into a deep pit and landing with a loud crunch at the bottom.
Melvin blinked in the dark and felt behind him for whatever had broken their fall. He pulled out a loose piece of rubble and took a nibble. “Mm. So this is where you got them.”
“It seems to be some kind of calcified moon sediment,” said Marvin.
“It’s delicious. I can’t believe we found this place. It has everything we need.”
“I found it,” said Marvin.
“Okay, fine, you found it. It still has everything we need.”
“It has everything I need.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Marvin pointed toward a blue and yellow flag pointing up over the cave entrance. “You see that? That’s my family flag. I claim this cave.”
“You can’t claim the cave.”
“Says who? I put my flag on it.”
“Well in that case…” Melvin dashed out of the cave towards the river. Using his foot he scratched out the letters of his name on its banks.
“I claim this river.”
“You can’t just write your name in the mud to claim something. In fact…” Marvin pulled out another flag and placed it right over Melvin’s name. “My river!”
“Why, you greedy, scurrilous rodent you…” Melvin launched himself at Marvin and they began wrestling with each other in the moon mud.
“Hey!” The third mouse, Arnold, ran down from the spaceship to where the other two were fighting. “What is WRONG with you guys?” He pulled them out of the river, covered head to toe in liquid cheese.
“Great. Now the river is going to taste like mice.”
“Marvin was trying to claim the whole moon for his own.”
“So was Melvin!”
“Only because you started it!”
“You two.” Arnold shook his head and pulled out an official-looking scroll. “Did you never pay attention in mouse history class?” And he began to read:
“‘The Treaty of 1469. All terrestrial and extraterrestrial environments are heretofore declared the common heritage of mousekind, to be reserved for the sustainable, responsible use of all mice, equally, without discrimination, in keeping with the harmony and preservation of nature.’ In other words, we may have discovered this place, but there will be no individual claiming of any kind.”
Marvin and Melvin looked down at their toes. “Oh.”
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t stuff ourselves sick on cheese and crackers in the meantime! Come on!” Perking up, the two previously warring mice followed Arnold and had a nice, civilized meal on the banks of the river, relieved of their temporary desire to institute individual property rights on the moon.
- ¾ c cassava flour
- ¼ c tigernut flour
- 1 tsp sea salt
- 1 tb dried herbs (rosemary, thyme, oregano)
- 1 tsp garlic powder
- ¼ c cold leaf lard (for V option sub coconut oil)
- ¼ c cold water
- For the full recipe, check out Best of Flash Fiction Kitchen, available here.
This post has been shared on Phoenix Helix’s Paleo-AIP Roundtable.
This story made me laugh. I really want to try these crackers! Love all the different shapes! And those herbs on top, yum!!
Any substitutions for the cassava flour?
What do you have/what flours can you tolerate? It won’t be the same cracker/recipe, but you could try subbing plantain or water chestnut flour, or some amount of tapioca/arrowroot and increase the amount of tigernut.
Can I subtítud tigernut flour with the cassava flour ???
You mean use only tigernut flour? That could work but tigernut is somewhat sweet-tasting, so it might taste a bit more like a cookie than a cracker – worth trying though!
They look you! I don’t have tigernut flour. Only have cassava, tapioca, banana, coconut flour. What can I use instead of tigernut ?
Thsnks 🙂
Is banana like plantain? I’d start with subbing that or otherwise try the tapioca and keep the cassava flour in there. Good luck!
It’s banana flour bought by weight in organic shop. So not sure if it’s plantain. I will try with it.
So maybe it is because I used coconut oil opposed to lard but it has been over an hour and these puppies won’t brown or get crispy. I did everything else exactly to the recipe.
Lard definitely helps with crispiness, but coconut oil shouldn’t prevent it from browning. What brands of cassava and tigernut flour did you use, and what did the dough look like?
They look so beautifull. What a good hand work.:-)
This is was way to crumbly and makes no where makes 40 crackers.
You have a wonderful site, thank you for creating such a fun, whimsical place for an AIP girl like me!
My pleasure, thanks for reading LJ! 🙂
I’ve experimented with a lot of different gluten free crackers, and these are, hands down, the best ones I’ve had.
How to store these? (e.g., for several days) – in the fridge? (they’ll probably lose crispness). Perhaps room temp, but for how long? Thanks!
Hi Jillian, yes I would try at room temperature, in a bag or some kind of container. They should last for at least a few days like that if not longer – if you want to store them longer you could always try the freezer too.