“Man, it’s a long way to Mordor,” complained Frodo. “Can I have a piggyback ride?” “No,” snapped Sam. “No more piggyback rides.” Sam had had enough. He was drawing the line. All Frodo had done for the past week was complain and ask for piggyback rides, and frankly Sam was sick of it. Who made Frodo master, anyway?…
Key Lime Pie Tartlets (paleo, AIP, vegan)
All was chaos over in KeyLime-dia (yes that’s a place). Unlike Mangoland, KeyLime-dia was a disorganized mess in the run up to the annual Kingdom Bakeoff. Instead of practicing their maneuvers and organizing themselves into squeezing units, key limes were bouncing off the walls of the castle and playing squash with themselves in the castle…
Mango Tartlets (paleo, AIP, vegan)
“ATTEN-HUT!” The line of mango tarts snapped to attention, orange arms at their side, crusts newly minted from the oven, boots sticky with mango sheen. “Listen up!” shouted the sergeant, as he marched down the line of tartlets, poking his troops in the chest and engaging in one last visual inspection. “Last year was the…
Pichi Pichi (paleo, AIP, vegan)
At night, after the girl has gone to sleep, the empty kitchen is filled with the pattering of pichi pichi, small, feathered creatures who follow a trail of cake crumbs to the counter where the girl’s messes awaits them. There they stand around with their hands on their hips (to the extent that an amorphous…
Fijian Cassava Cake (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Semi crossed and uncrossed his legs under the small desk. It was last period, which meant math class with Mr. Taliga. Semi liked geometry, but today he couldn’t focus on anything, much less trigonometric functions – today was rugby try-outs. In their backyard next to Grandma’s outdoor kitchen, he and his older brother had trained for…
Belle, the Beast, & Blueberry Muffins (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Belle Trudeau lived in a small town in the north of France with her widower father. She was a simple girl who liked to read and write and dreamed of traveling the world. One day she was walking in the woods near her house when she encountered an angry rabbit. “Hello,” said the rabbit. “You’re stepping on…
Tamarind-Coconut-Date Balls (paleo, AIP, vegan)
As the west winds shifted and the November monsoons dripped their last drop, the King and Queen of Tamarindia decided it was time for their annual banquet. “Who should we invite this year?” asked the King. “Usual suspects?” “Meh,” replied the Queen, scrunching up her nose. “I’m tired of the old crew. Let’s spice things up.” “If…
Tapioca Pearl Pudding (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Remember the story The Pearl? Now, I love Steinbeck, but I’m sure I wasn’t the only 6th grader to be scarred by that parable of the devastating consequences of sudden enrichment. Here, to undo some of that, an alternative telling.The Pearl: Take 2 The pearl diver rose out of the water, holding in his hands a gem of…
Kabocha Squash Muffins (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Mama Bear sat with Papa Bear, rocking back and forth in their porch swing. “She did it again,” said Mama Bear. Papa Bear put down his newspaper in consternation. “No! Not again!” he said. “Yes,” said Mama, shaking her head. “That girl. I just don’t know what to do with her, I tell you.” Papa Bear…
Linzer-Torte Cookies (paleo, AIP, vegan)
In the city of Linz, Austria, under the smallest of the bridges crossing the Danube as it winds its way from Germany towards Hungary lives a family of trolls – three brothers, to be precise, formerly of the Berlin bridges but forced to move during the monster raids of ’76. For the past several years, the trolls have lived…
Chocolate-Dipped Macaroons (paleo, AIP, vegan)
Hoppy the Penguin was an entrepreneur. Now, you might think it unlikely that penguins would be entrepreneurs, and you would be right. Penguins are conservative. They wear only black and white, get exactly twelve hours of sleep a day, and any penguin who bucks the colony gets excommunicated to Alaska. But Hoppy wasn’t like the others. Even as…
Scottish Short-Dragons (paleo, AIP, vegan)
One winter in the northern climes of Scotland, two dragons sat around their mountain lair, contemplating their empty larder. “Bummer,” said Azkook, gazing glumly into the pantry. “Not even any dried human jerky or jellied knees left.” “What happened to our backup supply?” asked Razkook. Azkook looked at his scaly toes guiltily. “I was watching Top Chef…
