Kabocha Squash Muffins (paleo, AIP, vegan)

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Mama Bear sat with Papa Bear, rocking back and forth in their porch swing.

“She did it again,” said Mama Bear.

Papa Bear put down his newspaper in consternation. “No! Not again!” he said.

“Yes,” said Mama, shaking her head. “That girl. I just don’t know what to do with her, I tell you.”

Papa Bear took off his spectacles and rubbed his eyes. “What was it this time?”

Mama paused for a second, and looked over towards the kitchen, where a pile of dirty dishes lay in the sink.

“Cassava. Apples. And something called a kabocha squash.”

“What the heck is that?” exclaimed Papa. “That doesn’t even sound like food!”

“It isn’t, hardly. Nothing I’ve ever heard of.”

“If it were berries it would be one thing. But these…these…gourds! What did it look like in the end?”

“I’ll show you,” said Mama. She went over to the kitchen and brought over a muffin tray filled with small brown mounds. Papa peered down into the depths, examining each muffin closely.

“Rather low, aren’t they?”

All of a sudden, a young adolescent bear charged into the room, holding a bunch of wildflowers and sorrel in her paws. “Hey! What are you guys doing with my muffins?” she demanded.

Papa and Mama Bear exchanged guilty glances, and Mama Bear quickly set the muffins down on the counter.

“Nothing, honey. We were just…uh…admiring them.”

Amanda Bear rolled her eyes. “Oh please. I know how you feel about unconventional ingredients.”

“Amanda dear…what, exactly, is a kabocha?”

Amanda threw her hands up in the air. “It’s a squash! S-Q-U-A-S-H! Jesus H. Christ, you’d think I brought an alligator into the house or something.”

“But why are you eating it?”

“Because it tastes good. And it’s anti-inflammatory.”

“Anti-what?”

“Ugh, nevermind.” Amanda popped a muffin into her mouth and munched on it while her parents looked on gloomily.

The Grizzlies at Home – 3.09.2016

“Don’t you worry—” began her mom, hesitantly “—What the neighbors will say?”

“No. How would they know what I’m making in here anyway?”

“Honey, the odors…they’re floating all over town. The other bears are beginning to talk.”

“They really want to only smell stinky fish all the time? Do they know how freakin’ boring that is?”

“Amanda, keep in mind that grizzlies were never meant to eat a varied diet. We’re primarily carnivores.”

“If everybody thought like you, there would never be any progress. How can we evolve as a species if we don’t try new things? Just look at humans. They eat everything, and they’re super powerful!”

“Yes honey, but look how many problems they have! All those underweight, overweight specimen! Plus they seem continually cranky, and are always starting wars. Whereas we bears are notoriously sedate.”

“Notoriously sedated, if you ask me,” grumbled Amanda. “But fine, you guys eat whatever you like, and I’ll eat whatever I like.” And with that, Amanda Bear grabbed the rest of the muffins and flounced off to her den.